..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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