his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
