what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
