I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
