I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
