Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
