YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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