i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
