Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
