You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
