but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
