i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
