Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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