i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
