My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
