I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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