Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
