i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
