you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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