everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
