walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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