Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
