I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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