I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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