boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
