Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hippo gnu deer
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
