Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
