I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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