If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
