Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
