I wish I only lived at night.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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