I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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