They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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