apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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