Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
