Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
