I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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