I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
