That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
