He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
