The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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