She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
