I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
