Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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