By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
