I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
