literally had 100 drinks last night.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's like iHOP with fire
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
