I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
