And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
