All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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